DISCLAIMER: This article is not designed to make light of the very serious coronavirus pandemic that is happening right before our eyes. I would caution every single person reading this to practice social distancing, avoid large crowds, wash your hands thoroughly, and abide by local mandates to remain indoors as much as possible so that we can contain the outbreak to the best of our ability.
How’s everyone’s “social distancing” going so far? Great? Terrible? Fine, but could be better?
As we are all encouraged (and, in some cases, mandated) to limit (or altogether avoid) contact with anyone or anything outside of our immediate living situation, boredom and claustrophobia affect our new working-from-home lives. Luckily, given the advancements in content streaming technology, availability of digital video game purchases and updates, and access to your live-in partner’s stacks of books you’ve never read (OK, maybe that’s just me), there’s never been a better time to force yourself to stay inside.
Obviously, most of us would rather have the freedom to go to movie theaters, concerts, sporting events, bars, restaurants, and house parties. Since that doesn’t seem possible for the foreseeable future, it’s time to indulge in the wonders of introversion, consuming all of the media content you can, since none of us can really do anything else.
With that in mind, I’ve decided to catalog every single piece of media I’ve consumed since I began social distancing (I’m using the date of March 11, since that’s when my fiance found out that she would be starting to work from home). A few ground rules:
- Everything I discuss will receive a miniature review, with no score
- In every category, each book/film/show/game is ordered by when I started consuming it, from least to most recent
- Music will not be reviewed, as I don’t really keep up with new music and everything I’ve listened to lately is stuff I always listen to (same goes for podcasts)
- In the TV section, I’m not including shows I had already been watching prior to the outbreak (e.g. MasterChef, Bob’s Burgers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, etc.)
BOOKS:
Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman
While not my favorite book by Chuck Klosterman (that honor would probably go to Eating the Dinosaur), Fargo Rock City is a great read for anybody who loves 1980s heavy metal (though, admittedly, some of his commentary on sexism doesn’t really hold up). Klosterman’s approach to storytelling through important moments in his music-loving life illustrates why bands like Van Halen, KISS, and Motley Crue were important to him for reasons beyond their sonic prowess, and as a result I have gained a newfound appreciation for the dumb metal bands I rocked out to in high school.
Yes Please by Amy Poehler
I’m not that far into this one yet, though it’s delightful and light for the most part and serious when it needs to be. Amy Poehler is one of the finest comedic minds of the 21st century, and her charming and witty persona comes through in her writing, even though much of what I’ve read so far is about how much she hates writing.
Random thought: Does anyone else have a difficult time reading pre-2016 non-fiction books that mention political figures? Obviously, it’s not fair for me to project my personal views on every author I read, but Poehler talks about people like John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Hillary Clinton apolitically in a way that might be viewed as unseemly now. I’m not going to hold her accountable retroactively for this, but it is something that stuck out to me.
VIDEO GAMES:
Ratchet & Clank (PS4)
I already did a bit on this in my last Punished Notes, but I’ll just mention once again that Ratchet & Clank is a delight and the kind of game I wish developers would make more often.
Ori and the Will of the Wisps
While just as effervescent and heartbreaking as its predecessor, Ori and the Will of the Wisps brings enough new mechanics and features to the table that it feels like a brand new game. The visuals and music are both as enchanting as ever, and the game’s new approach to combat and progression make action sequences, environmental puzzles, and boss battles an absolute thrill (though, to be clear, the boss battles can be pretty damn hard). While not that many of the side quests are really worth doing, I’m glad they exist, as the title’s focus on worldbuilding and non-linear narrative design make it feel poignant and real. A phenomenal experience, and one I would recommend to just about anyone.
Shadow of the Colossus (PS4)
After playing about half of the 2018 remake of Shadow of the Colossus, a game I have never played in any form before, I can now understand why some would consider it an all-time classic and why others think it’s a frustrating, boring mess. Personally, I find just about everything in this game fascinating, from its bleak and empty overworld to its deliberately obtuse control scheme and mechanics. The actual colossi battles are phenomenal, and I do appreciate how the janky gameplay and large stretches of nothingness accentuate how epic and breathtaking each fight can be. Still, there are certainly moments where I am confused, annoyed, and not that engaged, like when my horse decides to slow down for no reason or when my journey to the next colossus seems especially long. Overall, though, I’m enjoying the experience, and I would particularly recommend it to those who appreciate when games are (seemingly) awkward on purpose.
NBA 2K20
Despite 2K20’s investment in a detailed and dramatic narrative (with excellent mo-cap performances from Idris Elba, Rosario Dawson, Desus & Mero, and Thomas Middleditch), the MyPlayer mode still largely boils down to junk food for NBA fanatics. Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE basketball, and no video game franchise captures the magic, showmanship, and feel of the NBA better than 2K. It’s just that, unless you’re willing to spend a ton of money on microtransactions, the MyPlayer mode has a rookie wall that’s insanely difficult to break through, and once your player gets drafted, the story ceases to be interesting. I’ve probably played just as many hours of NBA 2K20 as I have any other game on this list, but I’m not sure most of those hours amounted to much more than the video game equivalent of eating potato chips.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons
The new Animal Crossing is not just a delightful lifestyle sim; it may be the defining game of the year by a mile.
Obviously, any simulation that allows you to roam freely outdoors while interacting with friendly neighbors is uniquely appealing during a pandemic, but New Horizons goes beyond simple escapism and cheerfulness. It draws the player into a world where they can create a daily routine, and that routine is determined by nobody (and nothing) but them. You can make sure to say hello to all of your neighbors before the day is over. You can start each day collecting bugs and fossils to donate to the museum and then view the newly-adorned exhibits. You can visit other islands in hopes of finding new friends to join the island. You can go fishing at the same time each day and get mad that you’ve caught ANOTHER sea bass at the same time each day. Every morning in AC:NH begins with you falling into whatever routine you chose, and nothing has to get in the way of that.
One of harsh realities about the coronavirus outbreak is that things just aren’t going to be normal for a while, if ever again. Maybe you lost your job but still have to pay rent. Maybe your employer will make everyone work from home permanently. Maybe an important event to you has to be postponed or canceled for safety reasons. Maybe you’ll grow accustomed to stocking up on frozen food and toilet paper for the rest of your life. Maybe your political positions on a number of issues will change radically. Uncertainty looms over everything, yet in Animal Crossing, I pretty much know what to expect each day, and that sense of normalcy soothes my anxiety in ways nothing else has this past month.
TV SHOWS:
Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist
This musical-comedy about a woman who knows people’s inner thoughts through song-and-dance numbers that only she can see and hear is the perfect thing to watch in the midst of a global crisis, but not for the reasons you’d expect. Honestly, Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist oscillates between being a watchable Glee knockoff and one of the worst things on television, and the show’s insistence on casting likable actors with virtually no vocal talent (seriously, I like Mary Steenburgen and Lauren Graham, but they can’t sing for shit) makes some of these musical sequences unbearable.
How could it be perfect, then? Amazingly, this show is so bad sometimes that it distracts from all the dreariness, uncertainty, and terrors of the real world today. Occasionally, the performances are good enough (particularly when Skylar Astin and Alex Newell are involved) to keep me legitimately intrigued, but Lauren Graham attempting to sing “Tik Tok” is like hearing one of your friends who thinks they can sing (but really can’t) do a karaoke performance after multiple shots of Fireball whisky. Honestly, when this happens, it’s so bad I literally can’t think about any of the awful things happening in the world. Also, I don’t know if Peter Gallagher’s acting in this show is really good or really bad, which probably means it’s bad.
Good Girls
As I mentioned in my last Punished Notes, Good Girls is a legitimately compelling drama and not the hilarious buddy-comedy I thought it would be. The way it approaches moral dilemmas and the desperation of poverty puts most other network television dramas to shame, and great acting performances all around make just about every scene intriguing in some way. Season three (which is currently airing) might have the darkest episodes to date, and the series appears to be inching toward story developments from which it cannot retreat. I’m expecting (and, in a weird way, hoping) that this won’t go on for too much longer (maybe another season or two after this one), as most TV dramas last way too long, but I’m enjoying the ride.
The Wire
I finally got around to it! I’ve only watched half of season one so far, and I’m really enjoying it. The writing and acting are both superb (I’m especially impressed by the performance of a young Michael B. Jordan), and the plot is legitimately gripping. I don’t imagine I’ll binge the whole thing in a week or two; I’ll be playing the long game with this one.
Tiger King
Without giving too much away, Tiger King might be the wildest mini-docuseries I’ve ever watched. One episode starts with a person getting their arm eaten by a caged tiger, and it’s not even one of the five most memorable things from that episode. My biggest takeaway from watching this series (which I completed in less than one day) is that 95% of the people filmed need to go to jail immediately and forever.
MOVIES:
Ex Machina
Ex Machina is basically if one of the better Black Mirror episodes got to be its own feature film. While definitely not a masterpiece, the movie teems with character and intrigue, and its very direct approach to explaining the pros and cons of artificial intelligence make it one of the more accessible explorations of the topic I’ve experienced. Also, at this point I’ll watch Domhnall Gleeson in just about anything.
Groundhog Day
While I still enjoy Groundhog Day, it’s definitely the kind of movie that wouldn’t exist the same way if they made it now. As fortune would have it, my partner and I figured out what movie studios would have to do in order to make a modernized version of the film: have it star Pete Davidson and Kathryn Newton, have it take place on Staten Island and not Punxsutawney, and make the Bill Murray character (Davidson) a weather-related Instagram influencer instead of a traditional TV weatherman. I swear this movie would do GANGBUSTERS at the box office.
Frozen 2
I personally thought the sequel to Frozen was better in just about every way than the original, though I wouldn’t say I have especially strong feelings about either one. That said, if you’re looking for a genuinely entertaining fantasy musical involving stone giants, enormous ice sculptures, and Sterling K. Brown, then Frozen 2 is probably for you.
Cadet Kelly
For whatever reason, I decided on a recent Sunday that I was interested in watching an old Disney Channel Original Movie (or DCOM for short), and I opted for Cadet Kelly, a film where a young tween (Hillary Duff) transfers from a progressive school in New York City to a military school in the Hudson Valley with her mother and new stepfather (played by Gary Cole!!!). The young lady quickly learns that her previous way of living has no place in this rigid new environment, though she ultimately makes friends and finds her calling as a member of the school’s Drill team. Honestly, as far as goofy DCOMs aimed at 10- to 12-year-old girls go, Cadet Kelly wasn’t bad. A very watchable movie indeed.
Jojo Rabbit
Honestly, I was pretty disappointed by Jojo Rabbit. It received stellar reviews, won an Oscar for best adapted screenplay, and was recommended to me by many people in my life whose opinions I genuinely respect. Also: Taika Waititi! Stephen Merchant! Theon Greyjoy! Still, I found the film’s humor to be largely stale, its satirical elements too weak, and its heartwarming story kind of… flat. Don’t get me wrong: Jojo Rabbit isn’t an especially bad or offensive take on Nazi Germany toward the end of World War II. It just wasn’t funny enough to justify the way it handled sensitive material, and not strong enough in its overall messaging that I really cared about what it was saying. Scarlett Johansson and Archie Yates were pretty great, though.
So, there you have it! Everything I’ve been doing since I haven’t been able to go outside and act normal. Since this pandemic seems like it’ll continue for a while, I expect to do more of these compilations. I also expect that they will certainly get worse.
Stay inside! Wash your hands! Tip your delivery people nicely! Stay Safe!
